I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
