The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize