Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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