allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
