some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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