He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
