it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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