I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I can't turn off my feet"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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