careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
