Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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