just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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