need another drink. this is the easiest way
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
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I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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