oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
