Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
