Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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