Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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