If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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