you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
