a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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