And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
