she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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