ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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