I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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