I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
