Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
just found out that she named her cat after me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
