You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize