I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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