You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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