She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
