I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
