I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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