Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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