I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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