wat bout pragnant strippers??
I smell stomach acid.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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