I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
