He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
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Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
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I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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