i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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