You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
