I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
