think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
