he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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