i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
