and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
if only i could text you this smell
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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