i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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