one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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