I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
