My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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