So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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