I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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