just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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