All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Enjoy the penises
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
