I forgot how hot balto sounded
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
