omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
