i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
