She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
