You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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