It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
