U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
