the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
