Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
