You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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