wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Randomize
