dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
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I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
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so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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