I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
This house was built for laser tag.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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