Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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