I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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