I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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