So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
