I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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